Regaining trust: how?

In my previous post about trustworthiness, I mentioned how I wasn't exactly the most reliable young woman a couple of years ago. Fortunately, I opened up my heart to God and seeked good advice from wiser people, and decided this is going to change. But then I had to face a challenge: how am I going to convince people they can trust me? I gained a reputation of a lightheaded gossip junkie. This didn't happen in one day, and quite obviously, it wasn't going to change in one day either.

Maybe someone else could solve this by having heart-to-heart conversations with different people, explaining the change in her character. But not me. Why? First, I was too shy to do something like that. Second, because I realized actions would be far more convincing than words.

I figured out I need to do something that takes a good share of responsibility - something I can commit to, and stick with; something that can show others and myself that I really have changed.

I signed up for volunteering in the local community center, and with another girl - my partner - took charge of a youth group. There were about 10 kids in the group, aged 11-12. We had to plan an educational activity for them every week.

In the first couple of weeks, everything went great. We would meet at the beginning of the week, make plans about what we are going to do for the kids this time, make all the necessary preparations and distribute the different tasks between ourselves.

But then, unexpected trials came. One week, my partner called to say she was sick; I would have to manage on my own. I did - somewhat lamely. The week after that, she couldn't come either; and next thing, she just stopped calling and quietly withdrew, without even giving any explanations. The task was left entirely in my hands.

It wasn't fair. It was not what I committed to. But even then, I realized it's a valuable lesson: it gave me the outside perspective of what it looks like when someone makes a commitment, and then backs out. I knew that if this girl ever wanted me to trust her again, she would have to come up with something really good! And second, I learned that sometimes we make a commitment on certain conditions, but then it becomes much harder than we thought it would be. And when that happens, we have two choices: show preservance and continue, or back out.

I chose the first option. I decided to stick with what I was doing, and took on a double load of work. Yes, it took a lot of my time and energy, but it contributed a great deal both to my self-respect and my reputation. And goes without saying, I had a great time with the kids!

Trustworthiness: cultivate this virtue!

Hello, dear young ladies! It has been a long time since my last post here on 'Mayden Fair', as I'm extremely busy these days. But the subject we are currently discussing, trustworthiness, is so important that I just can't pass it by!

When I say 'trustworthy', do you know what immediately pops into my mind? The following words from Proverbs 31: 'The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain'.

The Proverbs 31 woman is a mature and accomplished adult. Can you imagine how much time, effort, prayer, sweat, pain, tears and challenges she must have been through, to merit this wonderful, truly priceless praise: the heart of her husband trusts in her! Fortunately, we have time to learn.

Trustworthiness isn't a character trait that is gained in a matter of days or weeks. It is difficult to achieve and extremely easy to lose. I will share with you a few things I have been guilty of, in the past. Let's just say that if I met 16-year-old Anna today, I wouldn't trust that young lady! Why? Because I would know that she makes promises and breaks them, that she makes commitments and then backs out. I would know, because anyone in contact with Anna would tell me that. I would also know this young lady - well, she wouldn't lie about anything serious, but she wouldn't hesitate to tell what we call 'white lies' (very dangerous term!). It was more than habit; it was second nature. Oh and gossip!.. You could never confide in Anna, because you'd know it would be like a radio broadcast. In a matter of days, everyone would know about your secret.

It took years until it actually started to bother me, and when it did and I finally started working on this specific character trait - which, I tell you, wasn't easy - you know what was most painful? Here I am, going beside myself to be genuine and sincere... and people were still afraid to trust me! How would they know I have changed? Only time could show. I know that some people who knew me back then still don't trust me completely.

As unmarried ladies in waiting, we have the gift of time to work on our characters, both for today and for the future. If you get married someday, don't think marriage will change you overnight. You will still be the same person, with the same flaws, that can be a hindrance to your marriage. Won't you wish, then, you had set aside more time to personal growth and developing a noble character, in your maiden years? And if you don't get married, you still don't want to be labeled as untrustworthy, right?

Work on the virtue of trustworthiness! It will be a priceless investment, akin to planting a garden which will give you a rich and generous bounty in the years to come.

Some practical advice. Pay attention to the following things:

* Making a promise or a commitment you know you can't stick with. Better say 'no' right away, even if it seems rude. Some of my untrustworthiness actually stemmed from the inability to say no.

* Telling 'small', 'insignificant' lies. You don't have to reveal everything, always, but if you do say something, make sure it's the truth. When in doubt, simply remember God knows you through and through anyway, you can't hide from Him!

* Gossip. Goes without saying. Get away from any people or activities if you feel they are encouraging you to engage in gossip. Talk about others only when the conversation revolves around something constructive ("how do you think we can better help Mary with her garage sale?"). Beware of idle conversations about other people.

Good luck on your path of becoming virtuous and trustworthy young women!

A Mayden to be Trusted!

Parts taken from Beautiful Girlhood, A Girl Who Can be Trusted, Chapter 27

A girl who can be trusted! What a treasure she is to her family! What a strength of character she has for her young life's beginning if she has learned to keep her word exactly, to be trustworthy!But not every girl is trustworthy, naturally! THey have to learn it. Many learn through bitter experiences and circumstances, that is it better to be true to one's word, to stand by a promise, to be obedient with out of sight and hearing of those over her, then to choose to a different path and take it secretly.It was a scene not forgotten by any of the three. The mother sat directly in front of the fire, its faint flickers showing the look of worry on her face. The father sat at her left hand, his face set sternly; for he was a man to resent actions of anyone who brought anxiety to that dear face beside him. At her right in a little huddled heap was the yound daughter. SHe had just passed her 14th birthday, ans she was troubled and in as much turmoil as many another girl of that age has found herself. She had been taking things into her own hands and having "good times" that had come about through deception, but the owl like eyes of her mother, who, like many other mothers, seemed to see what was done entirely in the dark, had found out all the winding paths she had taken, and now the escapades were to be laid bare before her father.
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Written by Laura H.
When a girl can be trusted like that, it is a joy for the family! But when she reveals something without having discretion, it is hurtful for not only her family but the family that she had talked about. I know about this experience. I did it recently. I feel ashamed, and know that they may not trust me again, but I know that I have asked for forgiveness, both from them and God, and therefore, I need not be afraid of condemnation. But it is still hurtful, and hard to swallow.

Also, a girl needs to be trusted when she is away from home. When she is over at a friends house, and a boy arrives that she is not to associate with, does she leave the party right away, or stay, and lie about the party later to her parents? Would that be trustworthy?

Or what about a certain piece of clothing? If the Daddy told her, it is too revealing, take it off, would she do it? Or would she wear it under another shirt, and take off the shirt, when she arrived at her friends house?

I have witnessed this first hand, and it grieved me greatly!I had the honor and privilege to care for my younger siblings by myself, when my Mom went to visit my sister, and her new baby, my Mom's first grandchild! My Dad worked during the day, and the hardest part was at night. But after consulting Mom, and such, I felt like I could be trusted with the children. That is called being trustworthy!Being trustworthy means holding your peace! A virtue I would dearly love to grasp! I am not very tactful in my speach, and such!

And this is also a point in the Bible. Christ trusted His disciples to heal the people, and preach his gospel. Ruth trusted Boaz, that night on the threshing floor, and Esther trusted God, when she went before the King. I can find numberous accounts of trusting and such, from the Bible. But God also trusted them. He trusted Esther, to preserve her people, from the wicked Haman. Ruth trusted Boaz, when she went to the threshing floor, and laid down at his feet, but she was also trustworthy to her mother in law, Naomi! God trusts us with the welfare of our fellow believers, that we would not lead them astray. I am so thankful that we are striving to be trustworthy!Being trustworthy is a big responcibility! I am up for the challenge, what about you?
Laura H