Here Comes the Bride

This is something I wrote some time ago; I wanted to share this with you, as I think modesty and respect are tightly interlinked.

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It is common knowledge that almost every little girl spends years dreaming about her wedding day, planning it long before she actually meets the man who will win her hand in marriage. She can vividly picture the guests, the ceremony, the cake and flowers and invitations and gifts; but here I would like to address the centerpiece of this girlish dream – the wedding dress.

Every woman is a princess on her wedding day, radiant and glorious. Her dress reflects the way she feels – long and white, flowing and feminine, the symbol of innocence, purity and virtue. She wears it on a holy, sacred moment when her hand and her heart are given to a man who promises to cherish and love and respect her - for the rest of their lives.

Ladies, how many of you attended weddings lately? Or perhaps went to find a wedding gown for you, or your sisters, friends, daughters? Did you, perhaps, notice something unexpected?

My best friend's wedding is looming closer and closer; I still have a long period of engagement ahead of me, but since we needed to find a dress for my friend, I decided I can as well seize the opportunity and try something on – perhaps just to get ideas about which style suits me best, and make up my mind well in advance.

"Here, this fashion is our most popular lately," – said the nice saleswoman, showing us one of the gowns. It had a long, full skirt, a flattering, not-too-tight top. But there was no trace of a sleeve. The shoulders were completely bare.

Surely she can't be supposed to wear it like this, I thought. Something should be worn on top of it; I glanced around, but all I found was a picture of a cheerful bride, who was undoubtedly wearing something similar – white clouds of skirts and a veil, combined with her bare shoulders and almost bare chest. She looked absolutely confident, as if nothing was amiss.

The other gowns we saw were little better. Those with sleeves were extremely tight or low-cut; others left the back naked; one dress had a slash right in the middle, so the bride's belly could be seen. This won't do, we decided exasperatedly. We make our best efforts to dress modestly every day. Why would we want to wear something like this at our weddings? Noticing our disappointment, the saleswoman told us that if we aren't happy with the available styles, an individual design can be made for us.

So, what's the big deal? Many women want something more special and have their wedding dress sewn exclusively for them. No doubt my friend still has enough time to obtain beautiful wedding dresses which suit her standards of looking respectful on her wedding day. Right?

But ladies, this isn't just a trivial problem we're facing. The fact is that brides are offered such provocative, immodest styles. The fact is that such styles are becoming normal and popular. Wedding dresses, which for many centuries symbolized the purity and innocence of a bride, nowadays are often anything but innocent. A couple of weeks after the previously described incident, I attended a wedding reception. The bride wore a hip-hugging dress, and everybody could see her naked back and shoulders. The dress was so tight it looked as though it's about to burst. I felt extremely uncomfortable seeing this, and I knew I'm not the only one.

Some may say I shouldn't be surprised, considering the fashion we usually see these days. And of course, it's always important to dress modestly – not only on one's wedding day. However, even if it sounds like an exaggeration, I think inappropriate and provocative wedding dresses are an extraordinarily striking example of lost respect for the woman, her chastity, the holiness of a wedding ceremony and even marriage itself.

A maiden respects... her authority

Our culture devalues the virtue of submission and tells us in direct and indirect ways that it's all about 'freedom' and self-gratificaton. But a virtuous maiden doesn't believe this dangerous lie; she seeks a figure of authority in her life and honors her authority with thoughts, attitude, words and actions.

If you are an unmarried daughter, your father is your authority figure, and you should respect him and submit to him. This is how you are expressing your respect to God's design of family and our role as women. On the joyous day when a fortunate man wins your hand in marriage, he will become the one you submit to. And if currently you have no husband or father to guide you and protect you, have no fear - God, our Father, loves you and wants to guard you and give you direction. Turn to Him, and you will not be forsaken! Let Him inside your heart, and in your life, with every step you take.

I'm not going to write a long list of 'do's and 'don't's here; rather, I would like to encourage you to think about the course your life is taking at this season, and about any important decision you will make as an unmarried daughter. This includes decisions about college, work, where you are going to live until you are married, and how you are going to prepare for your inspiring future career as a wife.

You might say, 'this is my life!' - but it's not as simple as that. Are your actions expressing respect for God and your parents? Pray and have a conversation with your authority whenever in doubt about something. If you feel your decision makes you squirm and you aren't entirely comfortable discussing it with your father, maybe it's not something you should be doing after all.

A Maiden... dresses respectfully

As we are looking through the character trait of respect, one way I really believe we are called to cultivate this is to dress in a way that is respectful - that is, to dress modestly. Why should we do this? Well, I think that there are five groups of people we can show love, honour and respect to by dressing modestly: the Lord, ourselves, the headship we're under/will be under (i.e. father and future husband in this case, as we are maidens), other men, and other women. Over on my blog I have been doing a five-part series on this, taking each group of people for each post and looking at why and how we show respect to these people by dressing modestly. I hope you will check it out! And let us all dress in a way that is respectful to God, our own bodies, and people around us :).

(Image from Jupiterimages.)

Ladette to Lady

I wonder how many of you have seen the 'Ladette to Lady' TV show. I enjoyed both the 2005 and 2006 seasons. The show is basically about taking a group of the raunchiest, loudest, least lady-like women you can possibly think of, and shipping them off to a fine ladies' finishing school, Egglestone Hall.

For those of you who are not sure what a ladette is, it's defined as 'a foul-mouthed, uncultured and unpleasant woman, who likes to drink and smoke and is often sexually promiscuous.'

During their five-weeks course in the finishing school, the ladettes are taught proper manners, speech, way of dress and womanly arts, such as needlework, flower arranging, cookery (including how to set a table in a beautiful way and select fine wine to go with dinner). Every week, someone was expelled and in the end, only three ladettes (oops! I mean ladies) stayed, and one winner was ultimately elected.

Watching the show was fun, and left me thinking about how many women today could benefit from such a finishing school, even if it is in the area of manners and speech alone. I know too many to count – and I'm not perfect myself, of course, especially in the department of cooking and fine, womanly arts!

You can watch some videos from the show on Sundance Channel.

A Mayden is... Respectful!

This is a vital part of a young maiden's life! Many of us do not realize how vital this really is, until it is too late, and our friends and family, do not trust us, because they do not get the respect the Lord commanded us to give them. No wonder there are so many young people out there, who say, " Don't you trust me?" It is because his/her family doesn't get the respect!

Respect is first given to God! He is our creator, and we are his children. We respect and honor him, just like we do our parents. If we do not respect our parents, we do not respect the Lord, for He placed them over us as our guides. We also respect our elders, like grandparents and such, when they tell us, that something is wrong. We respectfully listen, and take the message and think, " Is this what I should be doing?" Respecting the authority that the Lord gave us!

I have not given respect where the respect is due, and it has caused problems in the past, while I grew up. But now, seeing my sisters go their own way, and me still living at home, I can see that the wisdom of my parents' warnings was true. I am thankful for that!

Wishing I could write more, without sounding like I am rambling on, I will close. I know, it is hard, but try to respect anyone in your life, even if it is the hardest thing for you to do, and if he/she is a diffecult person. The Lord will reward you for it in the end!

More coming soon....
Laura

A Godly maiden's traits: respect

Now that we have introduced our blog, we can get to business, so to speak, and start with our actual theme! We will discuss various traits that are important for a maiden, and different ways in which a Godly maiden can build and enhance her character, while living under the guidance of God and her parents.

The first trait, which we will discuss in detail in the next posts, is respect. This post is an introduction to the series.

If you think about it, respect is almost gone from our daily lives. Just look at today's raunchy culture that is promoted in the media, secular colleges, basically everywhere. Young people don't give up their seats in the bus for older people; women curse; and I won't start talking right now about the way women dress today, because there will be no end to it!

But if you ask me, 'does it have to be this way?', my answer will be 'no'! It's entirely in our power, as the new generation of maidens - daughters, sisters, friends - to change this. And this is precisely what we are going to discuss here.

Some time ago, I read an excellent article on The Walled Garden blog. It was called 'What does it mean to be a lady?'
Unfortunately, it seems I can't find the link, but here are some quotes:

-When a Lady joyfully welcomes a visitor into her home even when she's exhausted or busy she is saying to that person, "You are important to me. I respect you and therefore I welcome you wholeheartedly."

-When a Lady refrains from screeching at her family, making nit-picky remarks, getting in her jabs (even those said with a smile), nagging, pointing out her family's faults etc she is saying to her family, "I respect you enough to treat you with respect and honor."

-When a Lady, even one living in a slum, does her best to keep her doorway looking cheerful she says to everyone, "I would like to cause you to smile when you go by my house because I respect you as a fellow member of the human race. It doesn't matter to me who you are."

-When a Lady waits on her husband she is not being a subservient doormat: she is showing him respect without asking for a reward. She is saying, "I love you and I respect you for free."

So what am I trying to say? I think a true lady, a virtuous maiden, should work on respecting:
- God
- Her family
- Herself
- Other people who surround her: family, friends, even strangers
- Her future husband, whether she knows him already or not

More coming in future posts. Stay tuned!